Alphabet Soup
by Super Reader
Summary: A collection of stories. Mostly humor with some meaningful stuff thrown in. Chapter 5: Percy shouldn't have asked Annabeth out on April Fool's Day. Percabeth
1. Irony

A/N: The first thing I have to say is explain the title of this story. Alphabet Soup. Well, I've been wanting to write a oneshot collection for a long time. And an Alphabet collection sounded even better because come on, 26 little drabbles/oneshots? If I can't do that, I'm not much of a writer. So this is the first of what will become a 26 drabble/oneshot collection. Only since it's Alphabet Soup, it's all jumbled up. I won't be going in ABC order or anything. JGZ order, maybe? :)

The second thing is that this is my first time (ever) writing for Percy Jackson, so I'm not sure how it turned out. I know Percy and Annabeth are a little OOC, but since was my first, I wanted to experement a bit. So consider this a caricature fic or something. Just a silly idea that made me smile.

The third thing (last one, I promise) is that I'm dedicating this collection of oneshots to my best friend, Gun toten Girly. She's as into Percy Jackson as I am, so hopefully she won't find this story a disgrace to the series. ^^

Percy Jackson belongs to Rick Riordan.

* * *

**Irony**

Percy could honestly say he had never seen a sweeter sight.

He had defeated monsters, led armies to victory and personally laid eyes on the goddess Aphrodite (and lived). But through all those adventures he had never once seen something that made him want to roll around in spasms of laughter as much as the sight before him.

Annabeth was pouring over a map of the Southern Atlantic Ocean, brow furrowed in irritation. Not usually a hilarious spectacle.

Percy watched on in complete giddiness. If she didn't see what was wrong, he wasn't going to tell her. Finally a snicker escaped. It was just too hysterical.

Annabeth's head snapped up, eyes narrowing into a glare. "And just what?" She asked in a hiss. "Is so funny?"

"Nothing," Percy said with a completely straight face.

The daughter of Athena turned back to the map with an irritated expression in her gray eyes. "I know it's somewhere on this map, but for some reason the coordinates just won't match up."

Percy lounged back in his seat, arms folded behind his head. His smile returned. "I wonder why that could be."

Annabeth threw down the map onto the ground in annoyance. She looked at it darkly before picking it back up. She buried her nose into the creases, recalculating and double checking coordinates.

Percy rolled his eyes. "You could ask me for help." His tone was light.

A completely unladylike snort came from behind the map. "Right. I highly doubt you could do any better than I can."

Percy's grin widened as he leaned forward and plucked the map from her hands.

"Hey!"

He turned it around.

"I might not be a genius, but I know enough not to hold a map upside down."

* * *

A/N: Yes, that really is it. Sorry. These aren't going to be really long oneshots. Just little things that I write in my spare time.

Till next time then!

~Super Reader


	2. Sickness

A/N: Before you ask, no I do not consider this my greatest work. It's a silly little oneshot that I scribbled down on a piece of paper before falling asleep. But because I found a couple parts mildly amusing, I decided to upload it as another piece of Alphabet Soup. I have felt guilty about leaving the updating for so long. I have a serious medical condition that is a mix of procrastination and writer's block. It's not pretty. I can't say when there will be another chapter, but I can hope that it will be soon.

I do not own anything to do with Percy Jackson.

* * *

**Sickness**

It is quite unnerving to be awoken by a sudden noise. You should try it sometime and see how your heart pounds and your hair stands on end. If you are someone used to danger, you have experienced this many times and therefore know the correct course of action.

Annabeth's eyes shot open when something smashed in her living room. Within seconds she was on her feet, dagger in hand. Ignoring her pounding heart, she leapt into the living room, knife raised high. There was a scream.

Annabeth lowered the knife and scowled. "What are you doing here?"

Percy and Grover were standing over a shattered vase with sheepish looks on their faces. "We heard you were sick," Percy said, rubbing the back of his head.

He winced as Grover accidentally stepped into a flower pot. "So we came to make you feel better."

Annabeth stared at him. "And you thought the best way to do that was to break my house?"

"Annabeth? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Dad. It's just Percy and Grocer. They're just leaving." She looked at the boys pointedly. "My whole family has the flu. We don't need you destroying our house too."

Percy shook his head. "That's why we should stay. My mom told me what to do. Fluids and lots of rest. Right, Grov?"

"Totally! I helped Juniper when she was sick so I know what to do," Grover said proudly.

Annabeth didn't bother to point out that a tree illness and the flu are two entirely different things. She was feeling rather woozy and only wanted to return to the warm toastiness of her bed. She pinched her brow. "Whatever. Just try not to break anything else. I'm going back to bed."

And she did.

Waking up once to a crash is irritating, but waking up to a crash for the second time in two hours is torture. Especially when you're sick.

Annabeth shot up as if her hair was on fire as what sounded like all the heavy metal bands combined blasted through the speakers of her stereo.

"Grover!" She yelled, glaring at the unfortunate satyr who stood next to her stereo.

"Sorry! I was trying to put on a tape of whale music. It's supposed to be relaxing." He pushed a button but jumped back in alarm when all it seemed to do was emit a high shrieking noise.

Annabeth jumped out of bed and pulled the stereo's plug from the wall. She pointed to the door with a warning expression on her face and Grover left meekly.

With a hand to her head, Annabeth climbed back in bed. Peace and quiet. That was what was needed to get better. Just plain old peace and quiet.

A hesitant knock sounded at her door.

"What?" Annabeth asked, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice.

"Er, hi," Percy said, poking his head around the door. "Let's say, hypothetically of course, there was a teensy tiny spill of something staining on something stainable. It'd be no big deal, right?"

Annabeth covered her face with her hands. "If you make me get up again, I swear I will hurt you," she growled.

"Noted," Percy said, shutting the door with a bang.

Annabeth settled down, pulling covers up to her chin.

"Oh my Gods, Percy! Get the fire extinguisher!"

There was another yell followed by a smashing noise.

Annabeth pulled the covers over her head with a groan. She had a bad feeling about this.

* * *

The next day, Percy and Grover were back again. That sentence alone should let you know about the horrors to come.

"Rise and shine, buttercup!" Percy chimed, coming into Annabeth's room.

Annabeth gave him the evil eye. "Be afraid. Be very afraid." But she sat up anyway.

"I brought you some nice, comforting oatmeal to keep your strength up." Percy handed her a bowl.

"That's actually not a bad idea, Per-" Annabeth stopped. She literally felt her heart stop mid-beat as she looked at the contents of the bowl. There were bits of black and grey with half frozen strawberries and blueberries sitting in a gelatinous blob of oatmeal. The whole thing looked like it had been dredged up from a lake and then thrown into a microwave for 40 minutes.

Annabeth Chase was literally afraid of this 'oatmeal'. And I use that term lightly.

Percy beamed down at her. "Eat up!"

Annabeth hesitantly lifted a spoonful to her face and sniffed it. It smelled even worse then it looked, if that was humanly possible.

"Percy! Code 1428!" Grover yelled from the kitchen.

Percy gave Annabeth a smile before he bolted out of the room yelling, "Quick! Call the exterminator!"

Annabeth wasted no time. Quick as a flash, she ran over to her window and poured Satan's oatmeal out on the poor people on the street below. By the time Percy came back, Annabeth was back in bed with an empty bowl.

"Mmmm. Good job, Percy, I think your oatmeal may actually have scared my flu away."

"That must have been the secret ingredient I put in," Percy said with a confident grin. Annabeth didn't have the stomach to ask.

"Well, I'm feeling a lot better, so I think you and Grover can take your leave." Annabeth threw back the covers and started pushing Percy from the room. "Thank you for taking care of my family in our time of need, but I can take it…from…here."

Annabeth entered the living room and her jaw dropped. Dirty dishes were piled on every available surface. Annabeth didn't even want to imagine the kitchen. She hadn't even known they owned that many dishes!

"Well, see, it took a while before I made oatmeal worth serving. These are my test runs. But don't worry. The kitchen is totally different."

Annabeth ran into the kitchen. Dirty clothes were stacked on the floor in haphazard piles.

"Percy? That stain you were talking about…"

"Don't worry! We mopped it up with the dirty clothes. Its amazing people even have dish rags. Socks work just as well."

Grover stumbled in, tangled in the vacuum cleaner's cord. "Hey Annabeth! Good to see you out of bed. Sorry about the messes. Taking care of you guys was harder than we thought."

Without a word, Annabeth grabbed Percy and Grover by the shirts and dragged them to the front door. "Thank you for your help, but your services are no longer required." And she shut the door in their faces.

Grover and Percy looked at each other. "I guess we can go home then. Annabeth's feeling better." They started walking away.

"I really feel we did something for her." Grover elbowed Percy with a smile. "Doesn't it feel good to do good deeds?"

* * *

A/N: Yes, it is longer than the other one. I'm glad about that. But otherwise, I still like Irony better. Tell me what you think.

~ Super Reader


	3. Algebra

A/N: Presenting...Algebra! Who finds math as annoying as I do? Ah well, it works for this chapter. I don't know exactly when this oneshot would be set...obviously by the end of Last Olympian Annabeth and Percy are together, so before that. Between Labyrinth and Last Olympian, maybe. I'm not really sure. Use your imagination!

Hopefully this is better than Sickness. Upon reading that one again, I really don't like it. Maybe I'll rewrite it someday. For now, I just want to try and work on new oneshots. This one isn't exactly humor...more like fluff. But fluff makes the world go round, so I hope you won't be too disappointed.

Thanks a million to Lightning Thief, Shorty and KG Inc, LabyrinthofDarkness, me and Gun toten Girly for reviewing the last chapter. You guys are awesome!

* * *

Algebra

**Annabeth:**

He asked me to help him with his math homework. He asked with such a sheepish, pleading face that I couldn't possible say no. I honestly don't like math very much, but for his sake I sacrificed a Saturday night to explain the concept on inequalities. It wasn't like I wasn't going to spend the night with him anyway. Might as well spend it learning something.

He sits next to me at my kitchen table. It's a perfectly innocent setting. My brothers are in the next room with my stepmother playing Go Fish. There wasn't anything teenage romance-ish about this.

His brow furrows at the latest problem. He looks up at me and shrugs. "I don't get it."

I give a sigh of frustration – completely false, I really don't mind being with him – and turn the paper towards me.

"It's just simplifying. We learned this stuff years ago. Can't your seaweed brain comprehend this?" I roll my eyes.

He smiles ever so slightly. "I must have been fighting giant monsters the day we covered this. What do I do with the 2? It's just sitting there."

I jab at the paper. "You divide it into 36. Then the variable is alone on one side. How is that so hard to understand?" He flips his hair out of his eyes, but it just slides right back. My heart tremors ever so slightly.

So sue me, I might be a big, tough fighter, but I'm still a human being (well partially). I have feelings. I can feel totally gushy around a guy. Most girls feel like this at some point.

He looks up after writing a number on the paper. "I think I got it!"

I look at the answer and sigh. "How'd you get that? The answer is x 18. It's so simple." I pinch my brow and turn to a fresh page. "Let's try something even easier, if that's even possible."

I move my pencil down to the page until I pause. What if….

"You ok?"

I flash a smile. "Totally." I scribble a problem on the paper, almost immediately wishing I could erase it and put something less… revealing in its place.

"Simplify this," I say, brushing hair out of my face to distract from the pinkness of my cheeks.

"2 i is less than 6 u." Percy's pencil scratches at the paper for a minute until he stops. I can just make out a slight blush staining his cheeks as he looks up and says, "i is less than 3u."

This just makes me blush harder, so I get up hurriedly. "Great. I think you've got it. Want some lemonade?"

He puts the pencil down and nods. "Sounds great. I could use a break from this math stuff anyway. Inequalities. When will I ever use them?" He closes the notebook, but I notice him look at the answer one more time.

i 3u

Even though it's true, I'll bet anything that he's too oblivious to get it.

The End

* * *

**Percy: **

I asked her to help me with my math homework. How lame is that? It's not like I needed an excuse to see her, I see her almost every weekend anyway. I honestly have no idea why those words came out of my mouth. "Would you help me with my math homework?" I could have just assumed we'd do something like every weekend.

I'm so stupid.

Now we actually have to spend time doing math instead of something fun. The absolute last way to ever create a mood. Who ever heard of making a move over algebra homework?

Nobody, that's who.

"I don't get it." I say after staring at a problem for the last 5 minutes. It's not that I'm a complete idiot when it comes to math. It's not my best subject or anything, but I can solve easy problems. It's just really hard to solve anything, no matter what grade-level, when her knee's pressed against mine.

Never mind my ADHD; it is just really hard to concentrate when I'm anywhere near her.

She sighs. "I guess we'll do an even easier problem, if that's even possible." She turns the page and starts to write something. She stops.

"You ok?" I obviously have a serious problem if I notice when she pauses in her writing. I should really just ask her out already. It would make life so much easier.

"Totally." She smiles and writes a problem. I frown slightly. Her cheeks are as red as when we used to run into Luke. Great, she probably just remembered some memory when he was helping her with something. I think I'm going to be sick.

"2 i is less than 6 u," I say, trying to keep my eyes from rolling. She must think I'm really hopeless if she's giving me this problem. How much easier could it get?

My pencil scratches and then I'm the one who stops. i 3u. As someone as accustomed to chat speak as I, it looks like….

But no! That's ridiculous. It's a coincidence. She just thinks I'm a math moron so she gave me the easiest problem she could think of. It's not like it _means_ anything.

Right?

"i is less than 3u," I say, just in case I somehow managed to get it wrong. My face feels hot.

She shoots to her feet, a blush staining her face. She says something about lemonade.

It must just be a coincidence.

I close the book.

I wonder what it would be like if she really meant it.

The End

* * *

A/N: Ok, when I was editing, the less than sign disappeared, so hopefully it'll still be there. It should be between the i and 3. Also, I hope you all got it. the less than sign and 3 are supposed to look like a heart and the i and u are self-explanatory. I heart you. I saw it used in a FoxTrot comic, and thought it was kinda cute. :)

By the way, the two The Ends are on purpose. First is the story from Annabeth's point of view, then from Percy's. I just love Percabeth...don't you?

Till next time!

Super Reader


	4. Tickling

A/N: Sorry this took so long. I've been super busy lately. School and other stuff. But I wasn't even thinking of the next chapter until I sat down at my computer last night and just wrote this up. Sorry it's not that long. But I did want to write something that had Percy/Grover interaction. They're so funny in the books. :)

* * *

A tickling feeling.

He got a tickling feeling every time he looked at her.

At the beginning he took it to mean that he had eaten something bad, or that something evil was approaching. But eventually even his own oblivious self had to admit that that wasn't what it was. That special, tickling feeling in his abdomen that felt as if thousands of butterflies had been released wasn't a warning or a reaction of even a stomach flu.

I'm sure you know what was plaguing young Percy. I'm sure everyone knows. If even Percy, himself, knows now, then you can safely assume that it's common knowledge.

Except to the object of his affections of course.

Annabeth Chase walked by the table with a smile. She didn't stop but Percy's eyes followed her anyway. She really did look pretty today.

"Dude!"

Percy looked up to Grover's scowl. "I told you to go fish like 5 minutes ago and you aren't fishing!"

"Sorry." Percy took a card from the pile while Grover shook his head.

"You should just ask her out already." Grover laid a pair of 4s aside.

Percy's cheeks burned and he coughed. "What are you talking about?"

Grover rolled his eyes. "The entire camp and everyone on Mount Olympus know you like Annabeth." He paused. "I'll bet even the dead people in the underworld know."

"I don't like Annabeth."

"Of course you do. It's time to ask her out. You two have been making eyes at each other for years. You can practically feel the sexual tension."

Percy's face turned a shade darker. "Even if I did maybe like Annabeth, I couldn't just ask her out."

"Why? And don't say something stupid like 'it would ruin our friendship'. You guys don't have a friendship. You have a loveship." Grover snorted.

"Loveship is totally not a word," Percy said.

"Of course it's a word. I just used said it, didn't I? And stop changing the subject. You know I'm right. You and Annabeth should go out." Grover smiled. "Don't say you don't like the idea of dating her."

Percy shrugged. "Well sure I'd like to go out with her. Who wouldn't? She's pretty and smart and cool." His face turned slightly dreamy by the end.

"If anyone would want to go out with her, shouldn't you ask her out before someone else does? I'm pretty sure that George from Hermes cabin has a major crush on her and he's not shy at all."

Percy's expression turned alarmed. "You don't think she'd go out with anyone else, do you?"

Grover shrugged. "If I was her, I'd get tired of waiting."

Percy nodded. "Ok. I guess I will then. I'll ask Annabeth to go on a date with me-"

Grover grinned. "Perfect! I always knew you two were meant to be."

"-Tomorrow."

* * *

A/N: Well this oneshot (more like drabble...I guess?) will have a sequel with Percy actually asking Annabeth out. Yay! Hopefully it will be written quickly so I can post soon.(Oh and just to clarify because I reread it and it sounded a bit strange. The 'tomorrow' at the end doesn't means that Percy's procrastinating and instead of asking Annabeth right now he's going to ask her tomorrow. Not that they he's going to ask if she wants to go on a date with him tomorrow. I'll be I'm just making this worse. ^^ )

Random question. Has anyone seen the Percy Jackson movie? If so, what did you think? For me, there were some parts that were ok but some parts that just made me go 'WHAT?? That's not supposed to happen!!' But then I still can't get over Annabeth not being blonde....

Till next time!

~Super Reader


	5. Gauche

A/N: ...Um. Wow. Two and a half months. Yikes. Sorry, I honestly had no idea it had been that long. I was on fanfiction the other day and looked up this story and saw I hadn't updated since April. Let me tell you that I immediately started writing this little story. Sorry it's so short, but I kind of like it. It's kind of weird, yes, but I like experimenting with new formats. Does that make sense? I think the next oneshot will be The Date. :D That should be interesting. And longer.

Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to Rick Riordan.

* * *

Gauche

**One**

Looking back, it probably wasn't the smartest thing to ask her out on April Fool's Day. I'll admit that at first I was a bit surprised when she just glared at me and flounced away. That was definitely not the answer I was hoping for when I pulled up every ounce of courage and asked her.

"_Hey…I know this is kind of weird and sudden and all but I was just wondering if you maybe wanted to go see a movie sometime. Like a date…or something."_

Completely heartfelt and honest. I couldn't have written anything better than that. And then it gets wasted because she thinks it's all a big joke.

"_Oh real mature, seaweed brain. Grow up."_

Yeah, so keep that in mind next time. Don't ask a girl out for the first time on April Fool's Day. If you're unlucky like me, it won't end well.

**Two**

Another important thing to know is to make sure that the girl you're asking out is actually the girl you want to be asking out. Seriously, who knew there were doppelgangers at Camp Half Blood?

"_So, uh, yeah. I know you kind of blew me off yesterday and that's fine. I get why. Maybe you'd be into going out to the movies on Saturday? We could watch a chick flick and everything."_

Pouring your heart out to a girl, only to have her look you in the face and you realize (with an unpleasant drop in your stomach) that this girl is **not** Annabeth but that she looks scarily like her.

"_Oh Percy! I thought you'd never notice me! Yes! Yes! Yes!"_

That definitely takes some skilful talk and a quick getaway after something like that. My advice to you? Make sure to look the girl straight in the face before you ask her out. It saves a lot of a grief.

**Three**

I guess the most important thing to consider when asking a girl out…is that she might say yes. You don't even need Romeo or Casanova speeches that are honestly too confusing and long-winded to repeat off the stage.

By the third try asking someone out, you'll probably feel pretty lousy. Ego's at ground zero, confidence isn't so hot. But I tried once more. (And this time I made sure I knew who I was talking too)

"_Look, Annabeth, I'm just going to go out and say this. Would you like to go on a date with me this Saturday?"_

I'll admit that I did feel a flutter of fear as she stared at me. There was a part of me that wanted to scream 'Late April Fools!'

All I can say is that I'm glad that I didn't. Now **that** wouldn't have gone well.

"_Sure, Percy. What do you want to do?"_

And that's how I got a date with the coolest girl in Camp Half-Blood.

Pretty impressive, huh?

* * *

Gauche ~ adjective, lacking social grace, sensitivity, or acuteness; awkward; crude; tactless

A/N: Oh Percy, it's totally not impressive. :D

So yeah, last chapter I asked what people thought of the movie. Most people didn't like it. I wasn't crazy about it, but I always thought that Logan Lerman (guy who plays Percy) was spot on casting. Did anyone else think that? Annabeth's actress was awful and Grover took some getting used to, but I always thought that Logan looked like Percy (older of course). Although that may be just me, and my own crazy version of Percy. :)

I'll post another oneshot in a couple weeks. Or sooner, if I can write it. Thanks for being so patient!

~Super Reader


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